Acceptance? Acceptance.

July 16, 2020May 18, 2020

During my early days into recovery from the brain surgeries, the daily battle to survive was tangible, but I persevered. As I progressed, every struggle validated my aversion to the term acceptance. Every time the word came up, my hackles rose. I associated it with malingering and I was no malingerer.
I mentioned my attitude towards the term to my neuropsychologist. He leaned back in his chair. “I interpret the term acceptance the Buddhist way—learning to live with it.”
I could live with that interpretation. I could learn to live with the bloody brain.
He added, “It’s the feisty ones who do best.”
Yes, that would be my way. I was a fighter.

Journeys and Destinations

August 1, 2019November 11, 2018

On the phone to my friend, Cindy, voice quivering, occasionally leaking tears, at one point sobbing, I hoped for some answers. What was going on? Why was I so upset? When I noticed that over the last couple of weeks I occasionally became weepy for no apparent reason, I thought that hormones, or exhaustion induced … Read more

Scars Revisited

July 1, 2019November 1, 2017

“I was particularly riveted by the chapter on your scars. You suddenly went through this period when you had to see them.” Kit surmised that my journey was not only of healing, but also of acceptance. “Would you talk about that a little bit?” As Kit spoke, as if on its own accord, my hand … Read more

And Then Some

August 1, 2019June 21, 2014

Imagine a physically frail person who has accepted their frailty. What would you see in your mind’s eye? I picture a pale wrinkled old lady, lying in bed, bottles and bottles of pills on her nightstand beside her. I hear her quavering voice asking for help, as she weakly raises her arm to catch my … Read more

Looking Back

August 1, 2019June 16, 2014

Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance I stuck my head in the sand after the first acute brain bleeds. It took me two months to raise my head and actively learn about my condition and search for a way to reclaim my life. I don’t remember anger. Nor do I remember bargaining. But I do remember … Read more

Journeys

August 1, 2019April 5, 2013

“I wouldn’t want to go back to the way I was. No matter what. Not the I’d want to repeat the experience…” Judy and I were discussing the notion of my brain injury being a blessing in disguise. Too much of a cliché, using that phrase makes me feel uncomfortable, and whenever I use it, … Read more