No Butt

I hiked up my pants. "No matter how tightly I cinch my belt, no matter what shape pants I wear, they keep falling down." Joyce chuckled. "That's because you have no butt."

I used to have a butt, a nice, rounded, firm butt.

During the first year after the surgeries, I lost a lot of weight and with it went my butt. It never returned—I have kept most of the weight off, possibly because anti-seizure meds can act as appetite suppressants.

I liked my pre-bloody brain butt. It was very useful.

One of the hazards of dragon boating is dragon butt. Correct paddling technique involves rotating from the hips, which can cause friction between seat and butt. Hence dragon butt. Until I lost my butt, I'd only suffered mild cases of dragon butt—decent padding makes a huge difference in preventing the formation of unsightly blisters.

For a hipless wonder such as myself, the absence of a butt has another unfortunate consequence—I have nothing to hold up my pants. And unless someone comes up with suspenders that work well with C cup breasts, I am now stuck yanking up my pants every so often, no matter how tightly I adjust my belt. As a teacher whose hands are frequently covered in chalk, I am doubly cursed—on days that I teach, I have white chalk marks at my poor excuse for a waistline.

I have suffered many losses due to the bloody brain and my butt is one of them.